Distractions are Killing you


I’m distracted trying to write this. You’re distracted by this needlessly large image above my type. You’ll probably just look at the image, fart out a couple laughs, and move on without actually reading anything. Because hey, reading is hard. I get it.

Personally, I love to read because it’s fun, informative, and rewarding mentally and emotionally. It’s an escape; as a young man I read books and became more emotionally invested in the characters than in real people. There’s nothing better than the feeling when you finish a really great book.

Here’s the rub: the internet ain’t a book.

When you read a book, you’ll put in a pair of headphones. Maybe you’ll sequester yourself in a quiet, relaxing place like a coffee-shop or your living room. You’ll get the lighting just right, and you’ll sit in a wonderfully comfy chair. Ever tried to talk to somebody who’s reading? They’ll look at you like you’re a fly they want to squash.

When you read the internet, you’re constantly assaulted by unwanted information. HEY! HERE’S 10 FACTS YOU DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT BOOBS! You fuckers would click that in a second! It’s true; if people could get away with filling their websites with nothing but boobs and top-10 lists they would. The “intelligent, discerning Internet viewer” doesn’t matter because it’s much easier to attract 10 mentally deficient zombies than 1 intellectual. Sorry, smart-fags, but stupid is where the money is. 

What’s it all mean?

If you want to get anything done, you have to avoid distractions. Distractions pull your focus away from good things like learning, reading, thinking and creating. Do you care? If not, you’re probably not reading this anyway. You’ve read almost 300 words so far; well done! Drifting through the Internet for hours at a time is great fun. Keep on refreshing that Tumblr page. Make yourself a spreadsheet analyzing the likelihood of frequent Tumblr posters to be chickens pecking at the keyboard. Make an afternoon of it, do some research. It’s for science, after all. I know some pretty smart chickens. Run a comparison of chicken faces versus Tumblr profile pictures. I bet they’re pretty similar. Illuminati? Probably. Conspiracy everywhere.

Wake the fuck up, people! Facebook is not real life. You do not have 862 friends; you barely hang out with your cat. If you don’t see or talk to someone at least once per week, you’re not friends. You know, talking, like with words from your mouth. How often do you call people on the phone? If you’re under the age of 30, probably not often. Why? Because phone calls make me anxious. I can’t talk to a real person! I get nervous just trying to talk to Kevin at AT&T customer support, and he’s contractually obligated to be nice to me.

Try this: turn off your smartphone.

Did you do it? Of course you didn’t. If you turned off your phone, how would you know if somebody needed to reach you for like, totally important stuff?

How often have you gotten a text that said,

“Hey. U home? I got stabbed can u drive me 2 hospital?”
^This will never happen. That’s what 911 is for. You are not that important.

Way, way, WAYYYY back in 1989, nobody had cell phones. Business dudes had them, and they were huge and you looked like an asshole lugging the thing around. People called each other from their houses. They left messages, and they didn’t get angry when their behind-the-times parents left them a voicemail that they now have to spend 2 whole minutes deleting.

Are you one of those wonderful individuals that checks their phone during a real conversation? Do you feel the urge to check your leash for new updates? Do you check Facebook, Twitter, or any other social media more than… 10 times a day? If so, you’re an addict. There’s a chemical called dopamine that’s released in your brain every time you get a hit of that sweet social media juice. It feels pretty great, and it causes the same reaction in your brain as hard street drugs.

But hey, if you never plan on doing anything, maybe social media is perfect for you. Maybe you’ll never need to know facts. Maybe you’ll never need skills. You can probably just live on welfare, crank out a few kids and get that sweet, sweet Big Papa Government welfare check. You don’t need to worry about things like self-improvement because your “self” exists only online.

Here’s a list for you fuckers scanning to the bottom for the juicy bit:

1. Turn off your cell phone for a day. If you feel like you’ve had your right arm removed, you probably have a serious problem.

2. Close your social media tabs. Try looking at nice pictures on Instagram instead. Happy sunsets and puppies are much better for your psyche than your pseudo-friends vague emotional bullshit.

3. Maybe go outside? Call somebody you like? Talk to someone about something real that’s happening in your life. Experience the joy of reading an actual book!

Also, phones might cause cancer. The science isn’t done on that yet. That’s kind of a scary thought. Just think about cancer every time you want to check Facebook.


Thoughts on Productivity


Many of you out there probably beat yourself up trying to force yourself to do things that are beneficial to you. You say to yourself, “I should go to the gym more”, or “I should read a book instead of jerking off to tentacle porn all day”. These are natural thoughts, as most of us are constantly in an endless cycle of worthless media and instant gratification. Here’s what you need to do in order to break this cycle:

Find things that are good for you that you actually like.

I know, right? Seems pretty simple; you’d think people would do this on their own. Unfortunately, most people just aren’t in the habit of doing things that are both healthy (in whatever way) and enjoyable. Instead, some guys force themselves to hit the gym, hating every minute of it. Some people starve themselves trying to get thin, then eventually binge-eat 24 donuts.

Trying to force yourself to be productive is the perfect way to become unproductive. 

Personally, I really enjoy jogging in the park. I love feeling the fresh air on my face. Running has always been my favorite form of exercise. Something about the way you lose yourself in the heat of it resonates with me. Other guys love to play basketball at the gym. If fucking street luge or parkour is your jam, then get out there and do that shit. Find the type of exercise that you love doing, whether it’s mud wrestling, skeet shooting or pole-vaulting.The way to NOT get into shape is to force yourself to drudge through a workout that you flat out don’t enjoy.

This line of thinking translates perfectly into anything you want to do. Figure out what the thing is that means something to you. Most people already have some “dream” that they think of or dream about while they waste their lives at their day-job. When you begin to chase that dream, you’ll feel a surge of productive energy that you’ve never felt before. Quit doing useless shit that doesn’t help you in some way, and turn that time into useful hours of work towards achieving your goal. When you put your time towards becoming the best version of yourself, you’ll find yourself enjoying the time you spent working on it. You’ll find yourself simply enjoying life more, and that’s something worth working for.

Related reading:


A Guide on Stupid-Spotting


There are many types of stupid people out there, but here I’ll illustrate for you some of their more common tells. Knowing how to spot a stupid person is a useful skill in every day life. Identifying these Wonderful Individuals is necessary to us higher order life forms because it allows us first to assign these lower life forms their proper status, and to treat them accordingly. Secondly, this identification will prevent us from making the mistake of taking seriously any of the pseudo-intellectual drivel that might come forth from their oft-flapping mouth-hole.

To find a fool among a crowd of the brilliant, you must only look to see where your intelligent peers cast their disdainful eyes. A moron among intellectuals is quickly identified, for as soon as they speak they reveal their ignorance. Unfortunately, we do not often find ourselves in a group of intellectuals, nor do we find ourselves typically in a group featuring only one level of intelligence. Let’s discuss some easy ways to figure out which type of stupid person you’re dealing with, and how to spot them among their (possibly equally stupid) social group.

Stupid people will either be very loud or very quiet. This is because some stupid people are aware enough of their lack of mental acuity to shut their damn mouth around those who are their mental superiors. That, or they are quite used to being shunned from social groups for saying so much stupid shit. These types of stupid people are more difficult to identify, as they are easily mistaken for the closet intellectual who might be an autistic or otherwise socially inept. You can prod these types with some bait… Ask them their thoughts on your favorite flavor of physics. Discuss with them any field of intellectual inquiry which you’re interested in. Shit, ask them what their favorite book is, or what they last thing they read was. If they betray that they have never read a book, or have not read anything in quite some time, you’ve got a winner. If they name a book that sounds like fluff, you might just be dealing with someone who has poor taste in literature.

Identifying loud stupid people is much easier. Simple ask them to justify something they say. Usually, they’ll say something like “that’s just the way I feel”, or “I just know”. The ignorant will often jump to broad generalizations to justify their specific claims. This is because in order to justify a statement, one must know sufficient background information to support it. Stupid people love to make statements that might sound smart or deep on the surface, as these statements gain them Stupid-People-Points with their fellow chimps. Ask the magical question “Why?” and you’ll easily separate the smart from the not-so-smart.

Possibly the worst type of stupid people are the argumentative type. These particularly nasty idiots can win any argument because they are so steadfast in their own ignorance that they will resist any attempt to display logic or hard facts. These guys love to talk about politics, religion, and philosophy. Anything that is based in opinion or speculation is fair game for them, as these things cannot be refuted by simply asking Google to point out the flaws in their argument. Once you are baited into an argument with these people, there is no winning. Just ask them to send you the relevant empirical research on the topic, and say you’ll read it over and have a proper discussion with them at a later date. They’ll drool a little, trying to think of whether they ever read anything about their “facts” in the first place.

Here’s a book full of stupid doing as stupid does:
Emails from an A**hole: Real People Being Stupid